Straight Forward
by DixieH
Summary: [Complete]After Meredith, AJ tries to move on.
1. Drama

Author's Note: This is my first published attempt. It's harder than it looks. My compliments to those of you who do it so well. Thanks to East-Wing-Witch for the careful reading. I've made some minor changeswhich should deal with the age problems.

Disclaimer: Of course the JAG characters do not belong to me. Lt. Cmdr Cassidy, her family and the friends mentioned are all my invention.

Lieutenant Commander Josephine Cassidy was leaning in the door way of Commander Rabb's office. From his vantage point across the bullpen, Admiral AJ Chedwiggen could see the Commander seated on the corner of his desk. He was laughing softly at something the Lieutenant Commander had said. She was nearly as tall as Rabb, with a slender build and a narrow face. Her white blonde hair was wrapped in a soft tidy knot at the back of her head. AJ remembered the first time he'd seen her.

She was standing across the desk from an aide to the Secretary of the Navy one morning, when he'd arrived at the Pentagon for a meeting. She was dressed in civilian attire, but she came to attention just like the aide when he entered. Her long hair was swept back from her face in a pony tail and she was dressed in a soft pink sweater and grey slacks. It was laughter then too that attracted AJ's attention as he waited to be ushered into the Sec. Nav.'s private office.

Her attention had returned to the file in her hand. The aide, a shorter squat man, who had to look up to meet her gaze, made a comment and her reply was covered in quiet laughter. When Admiral Chedwiggen left after the meeting, she was gone. She was an aide to some deputy undersecretary for something. He'd asked the Sec Nav.'s aide her name and then looked her up in the staff directory. It wasn't just her brilliant smile and the light in her green eyes, that made Chedwiggen see her that first time and then look for her discretely every time he was in the Pentagon, it was, as he admitted later, that she seemed happy. It was something he hadn't managed since Meredith.

Now he was seeing her at JAG Ops. He'd seen her here at least three times in the past seven days. Rabb knew her from somewhere or other. She always seemed to be in his orbit and it made AJ jealous. There he'd thought it. She was a hazard to his own good order and discipline and since he out ranked everyone else in the place, he was going to deal with it.

"Good morning Commander." Rabb snapped to attention. The Lieutenant Commander half turned to face him and came to as well.

"Good morning Admiral." Said Commander Harmon Rabb Jr.

"Lieutenant Commander do you work here at Jag Ops?"

"No sir."

"Never the less, you seem to be here quite a bit if I'm not mistaken."

"I was looking for Colonel Mackenzie, sir." She said.

"The Colonel is TAD until sometime next week. I could find someone else to assist you."

"Ah actually ah." She started to stall and looked slightly flustered. Rabb was studiously attempting to become invisible. "Sir it's personal not Navy business."

"I see Lieutenant Commander. In future if you have personal business with my staff, I suggest you use the telephone or email to contact them." He leaned in and snarled just a little to get her full attention "preferably at home".

"Yes sir" was all she said. He turned and stalked into his office. His heart was pumping in an uncharacteristic manner, but he was impressed that she'd managed to maintain her bearing with an Admiral breathing down her neck. Instead of quelling his interest; he wanted to know more about this aide to the undersecretary of - dammit what department was that anyway?

It was two days later, a little after 0700 that she came into range again. This time he was waiting for a elevator in the Pentagon. The doors slid open and she slid in between the doors just as they began to close. They were alone.

"Lieutenant Commander Cassidy." He nodded his head.

"Admiral. It's good to see you sir." She responded.

He turned and looked at her, surprised at her remark. "Now Lieutenant Commander that's not the reaction I would have expected after our last conversation."

"I was in the wrong sir."

AJ nodded. When the doors opened he waved her through ahead of him. They kept pace down the hall. "Were you able to contact the Colonel?" He asked.

"You told me all I needed to know. I have tickets for an event at the Dorval Theatre Saturday night. It's a singles mixers and I thought I could twist the Colonel's arm into coming with me."

"I see." There was a long pause.

"Actually Admiral, perhaps you'd be interested in the other ticket. It's one of those things where you don't take a date so much as a trader."

"A trader?"

She blushed then. "You know" she said. "Someone who you feel safe with but aren't interested in romantically."

"I see." This sounded like an opportunity; maybe the only one he was likely to get. "I'm free Saturday. Shall I pick you up?"

"I have the tickets in my desk. I could meet you there."

He nodded. "Ok." He stepped into her office when they got there and stood patiently by her desk feeling like a cross between a school boy and the village idiot.

He had the very same feeling two nights later standing in the foyer of the Dorval with a glass of red wine in his hand. There weren't many situations that made him uncomfortable, but he was wishing himself home in front of the fire very badly. The room was crowded with men and women in a range of ages, AJ thought, but mostly in their thirties and forties. He felt out of place. The booze was flowing. There was some loud laughter and mingling. He was beginning to wonder if he hadn't been set up. She'd given him the ticket and sent him into singles hell without any intention of meeting him. He was on the verge of dumping his wine and heading for the parking garage when someone elbowed him gently.

"Hi" she said. "I'm sorry I'm so late Admiral, the game was halfway to Pittsburgh."

"Game?" He found himself almost shouting.

"Baseball" she said. "Sometimes getting to the games and getting home again is half the fun, Sir."

The lights dimmed, so AJ dumped his wine and followed her to their seats. They were seated side by side in a small section to the right of the stage. The theatre filled quickly. They managed quiet small talk as they settled into their seats and flipped through the program before the play began. The play wasn't one he knew but it was light and entertaining in its way.

At intermission, Joey offered to replace his wine. He shook his head. "No thanks, but you go ahead if you like."

"No I've been here before, sir. The wine they serve is terrible. I'd settle for a quiet corner."

"Not much chance of that here."

"No I suppose not." Her gaze drifted over his shoulder and she smiled briefly at someone behind him. AJ turned in the tight quarters just as a man and woman joined them. The woman, nearly a foot shorter than Joey, hugged her awkwardly.

The man reached out his hand, "Tim" he said over the noise around them and my friend Grace."

"AJ," the Admiral responded and shook the hand.

"Joey, I thought you were going to quit coming to these things." Tim said.

She shrugged, "Well I finally met someone worthwhile, so it doesn't seem so bad tonight." She gave AJ a sweet smile.

The play ended a few minutes after nine. They filed out of the theatre and onto the street, now flooded with patrons and cars. "Would you join me for something to eat, sir " she asked. "I missed supper after the game and I'm famished."

He nodded ."Where at?"

"There's a little place about 3 blocks from here. The pesto is to die for and the Chianti is better than the vinegar they serve in there." They walked mostly in silence. The air was crisp and cool now that the autumn heat had disappeared when the sun set.

The restaurant was a tiny place with only 10 tables, but at 21:30 it was only half full. AJ ordered brushetta and a cheese plate. Joey nibbled waiting for her pasta and they sipped red wine from large glasses.

"So you're a lawyer, Admiral?"

"Call me AJ," he said simply. "I don't have the opportunity to litigate very often, but I'm a member of the bar. It's an administrative position really, staffing, budgets, fit reps and assignments. What about you Lieutenant Commander?"

"Sir if you really expect me to call you AJ, you have to call me Joey." He nodded so she continued. "My position is administrative too. Some days I wonder how knowing how the undersecretary likes his coffee helps the war effort, but then I try to remember that even small cogs in big wheels make the Navy go round." Her face lit up with a broad smile and AJ did his best to hide his reaction in his wine glass.

"Can I ask how old you are?"

"I'm thirty seven," she said "and now you have to tell too."

He shook his head. "Fifty three next month." It was too much AJ thought immediately. She was too young and he was too damned old. She'd come to her senses and that would be the end of it.

"What day?"

"The seventeenth."

"My dad was born on the third."

"How old will he be?"

"He's 75... Going on 5. He has Alzheimer's disease." She was sombre then but clear eyed.

"You're very matter of fact."

"Most people think they like that in me, but after a while it tends to wear on people. My friends can only take me in small doses." She twirled her pasta on her fork. "What do your friends like about you?"

The question took him aback. He had close friends. They went duck hunting in the fall and fly fishing in the summer; they didn't talk about their feelings. AJ decided that if she could be honest, he could too. "My friends are hunters and fishers," he said swirling the wine in the bottom of his glass. "They like me because I help set up the duck blind and I'm good for a round of beer after a day in the bush."

She laughed quietly. "I think you might just be matter of fact too."

All in all the rest of the evening passed without heat or difficulty. She paid her portion of the bill without asking and slipped her arm into his when he offered it as they walked back to the theatre where his car was parked. "I'll walk you to your car" he said.

"Oh" she said, "I came in a cab, I thought parking would be tough especially arriving late. I can catch one around the corner at the hotel."

"Why don't I drive you?"

"Oh I'm living in Vienna right now. I'm sure it's not convenient."

"I live in McLean. Its not that far. But only if you're comfortable."

"I'd be grateful really. Cab fare was a small fortune."

He held her door open for her and she slid into the passenger seat with a long legged grace. She was tall but compact and wiry almost. He'd love to watch her play baseball. The thought grieved him. There was absolutely nothing wrong from the Navy's stand point with the two of them spending time together. But tongues would wag at the age difference and he couldn't bear the thought of exposing her to the kind of rough conjecture that could impact her career. Having thought that, he was completely enchanted by her smile, and her forthright way of dealing with everything.

They continued to talk about their lives. He told her about hunting the first time with Dammit, the shepherd dog that had claimed him. Joey was laughing and the sound pleased him. She told him that baseball, on Saturday, was really a volunteer coaching position with an unruly group of eight, nine and ten year olds. She coached and cajoled the kids and reprimanded the parents for conduct unbecoming. She admitted she hadn't been to a professional ball game in so long, she'd forgotten what it was like. AJ took note for future reference, but didn't comment.

After Meredith's betrayal, AJ had sworn off entanglements. The occasional date with some dazed newly divorced woman from his hunting buddies' social circle was the most he'd attempted and he'd hated every dull, painful moment. And then it hit him. He'd assumed things not yet in evidence. He was driving into minivan soccer mom country. She might not just be entangled but married with children, and this singles evening a ploy to get Mac out of the house. He looked then. She wore a slim silver band on her pinkie, but no other jewellery. Meant nothing he told himself. He'd have to ask. Who was he kidding? he thought. It was ridiculous. He couldn't go out with her again. She was too young. She was in the Navy. She was gorgeous and smart and funny and - oh God -what was he thinking.

He parked in front of the house. There were a couple of lights glowing behind curtains on the main floor, but the upstairs was dark.

"Thank you. I really enjoyed this evening."

"I should thank you. I had a good time too." She had her hand on the handle of the door. "I'll walk you up," he said.

"No" she said, "it's fine. I'd ask you in, but I'm living with my sister and her husband for a couple of weeks while my place is painted."

"Oh" he said. Now was his chance but he quelled the questions and let the moment slide.

She got out. Once he saw that she'd gone in, he put the car in drive and pulled away slowly.


	2. Reprimand

It was three weeks before he saw her again, but he thought about her often. AJ wanted to order a copy of her service record, or call her boss and get her sister's number, or drive round and round her block, or skulk outside her office. Anything for a glimpse or better yet a casual opportunity to be with her again. Now instead of the village idiot he was becoming some sort of criminally deranged love sick boy. 

He was in the staff mess paying for his lunch when he spotted Colonel Mackenzie at table for four. Across from her, Joey Cassidy was eating soup. After all his ideas about manufacturing a way to run into her "by chance", finding Joey in the building unsettled him. He was unsure what to do. He knew that Cassisdy had ties to his staff and now he wondered what she'd shared with them about their evening. The cashier had to speak to him twice, in order to hand him his change. He picked up the tray then and walked over to the table. "Mind if I join you?"

'Of course not Admiral," the Colonel responded.

Joey looked up at the sound of his voice. He was sure, from her expresssion, thatshe was pleased to see him. He pulled up a chair on the same side of the table as the Colonel.

"This is my friend Lieutenant Commander Josephine Cassidy, Admiral."

"The Lieutenant Commander and I've met, Colonel." Mac looked surprised, but didn't comment.

Joey grinned, "I came to see you while you were TAD a couple of weeks ago and the Admiral gave me holy hell for hanging around Jag Ops. I suspect he's here for round two." Colonel Mackenzie's mouth dropped open and her foot connected sharply with Joey's shin. "OW!"

Mac glared at her. Took a sip of her water and looked sideways at the Admiral who was carving his roast beef into perfect squares and chewing. Mac shook her head. "Well, I have to be back in court in 20 minutes, so I better go get my notes organized. I'll see you this weekend Joe." Joey nodded and grinned.

"Thanks Colonel." Good luck with the rest of your lunch thought Mac, but only responded with raised eyebrows and a look of disapproval. Joey waved her soup spoon at her.

Joey waited until Mac had made her way to the tray station before she spoke. "Sorry Sir. It just popped out."

"Stop it Joey." He interrupted "I am glad to see you again. But I did give you hell and tell you to stay away. So I have to ask, what are you doing in the building?"

"I have a meeting inPublic Relations this afternoon, Admiral. When I mentioned it to the Colonel, she asked me to meet her for lunch, sir." Her tone of voice and suddenly formal demeanour held a warning. He followed her gaze over his shoulder and noticed Commander Rabb hovering

"May I join you?" Commander Rabb asked.

"Have a seat Commander." Rabb settled his long frame into the chair Mac had vacated directly across from Joey and to the left of the Admiral.

"How are you Lieutenant Commander?"

"Very good Commander Rabb. How are you? "

"Fine," he said into the salad on his plate.

The Admiral finished his meal in silence. As he gathered up his cutlery and picked up his tray he looked sternly at Lieutenant Commander Cassidy. "After your meeting, I'd like to see you in my office Lieutenant Commander."

"Yes sir."

Once Harm thought the Admiral was safely out of earshot, he ventured a comment.

"Are you trying to get court-martialled Joe? Mac told me what you said. How in the world have you managed to exist this long at the Pentagon? In politics, it's all about words and you seem to have your foot in your mouth all the time."

"Boldness is a character trait prized in the Navy, sir."

Rabb raised one eyebrow. "The Admiral will have your hide."

"Oh I don't know. I think maybe he has a sense of humour. After all he's put up with your shenanigans for quite a while."

"Don't change the subject." countered Commander Rabb. Harm grinned and laughed.

"Aw Harm, its great of you to go all brotherly on me, but really I don't need it. I'm a big girl and if I have to, I can take the lumps, even those dished out by a two star." She picked up her tray, turned on her heal and made for the door.

Admiral Chedwiggen had a stack of case files for review, but it was hard to settle down knowing that she was in the building. Finally he headed into the coffee room to refill his mug. Usually he let Coates handle it, but he need the diversion and he wanted to get an idea who was around this afternoon. Who would witness her entrance and her exit? For the tenth time he checked his watch and the nearest wall clock. Perfectly synchronized and still where the hell was she? He had just settled down at his desk with the hot coffee and an open file, when the intercom buzzed. It was his yeoman, Petty Officer Jennifer Coates. "Admiral, Lieutenant Commander Cassidy is here to see you."

He hit the intercom button. "Send her in. And Coates hold my calls and appointments." There was a prompt knock. He responded with the most fearsome "enter" he could manage.

She swung the door closed and snapped to attention. "At ease. Have a seat Lieutenant Commander." He came around the side of his desk and gestured for her to take a seat in front of his desk. He sat in the chair beside her.

Cassidy decided a pre-emptive apology might save her hide, but she couldn't figure out why the Admiral was seated beside her if he was going to reprimand her. Unless, the thought flitted through her head, he had a different suggestion for saving her six. She stamped on the untoward suggestion immediately. He'd been the perfect gentleman. And except for taking her arm and holding open doors, he'd done nothing romantic, suggestive or disturbing. Whatever was coming, she wasn't concerned. He smiled a fleeting, hard smile. It set her teeth on edge and she wondered if she'd got him wrong after all.

"Lieutenant Commander. I have a problem with you." He said finally. "I enjoyed our evening together immensely. I would very much like to see you again socially, but there are ramifications for your career which could be very difficult." He paused then. "Can I assume based on their reactions at lunch today that you didn't share our evening with Colonel Mackenzie or Commander Rabb?"

"No sir. I haven't told anyone other than my sister and brother in law." she said

AJ opened his fists and self consciously laid his hands palm down on his knees. He was quiet another minute and finally met her gaze. She didn't look particularly troubled. "I would very much like to ask you to join me for dinner this evening. You may want to think about that, because whether or not you agree has no bearing on the fact that for the good order and discipline of this office, that I make a rather public show of kicking your six around my desk for the lack of respect you showed this afternoon."

Her expression didn't change. " Just so I understand, sir. I am going to be reprimanded for my remarks at lunch and then you're going to ask me on a date."

"Yes."

"I see. If I said yes in advance, would you alter or cancel the reprimand Sir?"

"I would not". His face was grim and hard.

"Very good, sir."

He stood then and she stood as well stiffly at attention for the time it took him to remind her of all she needed to remember when dealing with a high ranking officer when it came to respect for authority. He questioned her good judgement, her current position and her future in the Navy. And he did it in a tone and with enough volume that he was certain most of it could be heard not just in the outer office, but probably in the parking lot. Admiral Chedwiggen wanted Coates to report not just the tone of the remarks, but some of the adjectives as well.

When AJ finished, he sat heavily into the chair behind his desk and looked at his feet. It was some minutes before he could look at her. She wasn't smiling. Her face was a pale mask. Her eyes were steel.

"You're dismissed Lieutenant Commander."

"Yes sir."

She turned and stepped to the door. Her voice was steady and calm; her hand on the door knob as she said "Can you pick me up at 19:30 AJ?"

He stood silently pushing the chair back and leaning across the desk resting his big hands on the desk. "I've changed my mind." He said. She was silent a long minute. But she didn't move, just looked at him steadily.

Finally she said, "AJ, I got into trouble at work today. Could you buy me dinner someplace quiet and I could tell you about it?"

"I'm older and I know your boss. It isn't against regs, but your career could still suffer."

She opened the door a crack. "With all due respect, Admiral Chedwiggen, I'm a Lieutenant Commander in the United States Navy; taking risks is what I do. I'll see you at 19:30, sir" she said and quickly stepped into the outer office.

Coates looked at her with troubled eyes; Lieutenant Commander Cassidy kept her face an inscrutable blank.

Harm looked up as she went by. Joey grimaced and winked, but kept on walking.

By some chance, Mac was standing by the elevator when Joey arrived. "How are you doing Lieutenant Commander?"

"Still standing ma'am, but my shin's a little sore."

Mac shook her head and got onto the elevator with her. "I heard about half of what he said."

"Yeah well my ears are still ringing, but I don't think the damage is permanent. He didn't say anything about a transfer to either of the poles. So I got off lightly." she said with a shrug.

"I think so too. Have you got plans tonight? We could go out."

Joey held up her hand. "Nope, hot date tonight."

"You're joking. Between lunch and 15:37 somebody asked you out?" Mac was shaking her head. "On a school night and everything!"

"Yup, life is good "

"So who's the unsuspecting shmuck."

"Careful, ma'am, you're treading on dangerous grounds."

The elevator bumped to a stop and the door rumbled open. Mac shook her head and grinned. "Yeah but who'll help you eat all that ice cream when he dumps you for a teenager or goes back to his wife."

"Low blow Mac."

"Sorry." Mac shifted her briefcase to her other hand, palmed her keys and waved goodbye to Joey.


	3. Begin Again

As soon as AJ parked curb side in front of her sister's two story, it hit him. He had no idea if she still lived here. It had been more than three weeks. What an idiot he'd been. He still didn't have her home phone number. So he pulled the keys out and slammed the door and walked up the sidewalk; hoping she wasn't waiting somewhere else. 

He rang the bell and a shorter, darker version of Joey answered. "Hi" she said through the closed screen door.

"I'm here for Joey. I'm AJ Chedwiggen."

"Oh" she said, "come in". She held the door open and he stepped into the living room. 'She was only living with us while the renovations were completed on her place. She moved back last weekend. But come in and I'll call her."

He followed her in to the kitchen. Supper was over, but there were still dishes stacked on the counter and a child a little older than Bud and Harriet's youngest was feeding himself macaroni off the tray of his high chair. AJ stood uncomfortably, that school boy feeling creeping back. The sister picked up the phone hit one button and put her phone to her ear. "Hi Joe, your date is here. No problem, I don't mind entertaining handsome Navy men, while Luke's away, but what will the neighbours think? Right. Maybe you should talk to him. OK. As usual. Bye."

"I'm Sam" she said addressing AJ, " Joey's older more sensible sister". She held out her hand as she set the phone back in it's cradle. "I'm afraid you're stuck with me for a few minutes. Joey's on her way." They shook hands and she found him a seat at the table and poured him a cup of coffee.

"Joey said she had a good time theother night."

"I did too." AJ responded. "Unfortunately so good I didn't get her number or find out where she really lives."

"That's ok" Sam laughed. "Her place isn't - what's the term - squared away yet. Boxes everywhere and only half the furniture. I think this weekend she's having all her girlfriends over to finish the job. Anyway that's why I didn't just send you on. I think she wants to make a good impression."

By the time Joey arrived 25 minutes later, AJ was drying the last dish in the rack and Sam was stripping the baby, Kyle, to get him into the bath. There was macaroni on the floor and in his hair. But he was happy. He held out chubby fists to Joey when she came through the door and she leaned in and kissed the cleanest spot on his face.

"Thanks Sam, I owe you."

"I'll add it to your tab Josephine. Funny way to go on a date, but I guess I'll be able to give you my actual opinion of him, now that he's entertained your nephew, made small talk with a lonesome housewife and dried my dishes."

"AJ I'm really sorry. But the way this afternoon worked out, I never thought until the phone rang about where exactly you were picking me up." He hung the towel on the rack and came around the counter. He shrugged.

"No problem." Kyle let out a squawk. Sam shifted his diaper clad bottom into the other arm.

"Nice to meet you AJ, you're welcome here anytime, no matter what happens with Joey." She smiled warmly. "Have a nice evening, what's left of it. I'm going to go get the macaroni monster into the bath."

"Did we have reservations somewhere that I've messed up?" There was a gentleness in her eyes that took him by surprise.

"No" he shook his head. "I had someplace quiet in mind. Like you suggested."

They got into his vehicle, leaving her's parked in front of Luke and Sam's. "Your sister's nice. Have you got other siblings. "

"A brother," she responded, "in Connecticut. He's the oldest, then Sam and then me. He's married too and has 3 kids. His wife's a saint. He works long hours and she's got three little kids to contend with all day. "

"What about you, do you have any family?"

"I have a brother. He's retired. Lives in Florida. And I have an ex-wife and a daughter who live in Italy."

"We're you married a long time?"

"About three years I guess from vows to divorce. It was a long time ago."

"How old is your daughter? Francesca is 28. She's a fashion buyer." He wondered if their age difference would strike her then. She and Francesca could be sisters.

He pulled the car into a spot on the street , got out and opened her door. She was dressed in a long flowing skirt that swirled gracefully around her legs. Over top an ivory t shirt that clung like a second skin, she wore a beautiful, moss green cardigan. He thought it was the same color as her eyes. Her hair was loose over her shoulders, cascading in curly ripples over her shoulders. She took his hand when he opened the car door, and held onto it until they were seated in the restaurant.

They ate a peaceful meal, talking about travel and the Navy but only in the most general terms. When he asked her about coaching, he was rewarded with a couple of stories about troubled kids, playing really great ball. It turned out that they agreed that baseball was the solution to all the worlds ills, and her knowledge and passion for the game rivalled his. Finally over dessert he broached the subject again.

"I'm sorry" he said sweeping the spoon through his coffee.

"You were doing your job and protecting my career. Bad enough to be dating, but worse to have you demonstrate overt favour. My career would be dead before weeks end if that was the case. This way our reputations remain intact and hopefully I'll think about all the ramifications before I open my mouth like that again". She smiled and spooned a piece of chocolate cheese cake in.

"Dating," he said and smiled at her. "I think I like the sound of that. Will you tell Colonel Mackenzie?"

"That you asked me out, but that I asked you out first?" Her eyes twinkled and the corners of her mouth turned up. He nodded sipping the scalding coffee carefully. "I suppose - in time. I told her I had a hot date, but I didn't tell her with whom. I think we can keep this quiet for a while yet." She pushed the plate away and took a sip of tea before continuing. "AJ, you said this afternoon that dating might have an impact on my career, what about yours?" she asked.

"Well I'm guessing the rumour mill will think I'm robbing the cradle, but I've moved up as far as I'm likely to and I've got 35 in. The Navy doesn't owe me anything and if it got to be more heat than I like, I'd retire." She nodded. "Does that mean you'll go out with me again?" He asked.

She smiled. "I'll do better than that AJ, I'll give you my home phone number." He laughed, but also took a piece of paper out of his wallet and slid it across the table with a pen. She wrote down her number and then tore the slip in half and handed the blank back to him along with the pen. He looked at her questioningly, and then caught on and wrote down his own number. They traded and then held hands across the table until the bill came. He paid and drove her slowly back to Sam's. There was a single light burning downstairs, but it was after 11 so, she slid into her own car and drove off. He'd wanted to kiss her, but it was awkward out on the street. He had her number and so maybe he'd get another chance.

When the phone rang a little after 0900 Saturday morning, he was sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper and eating toast. Dammit lay in a contented circle at his feet. It took him a moment to shift her and move the chair. The phone rang 3 times before he snatched it up. "Chedwiggen" was all he said.

"Hi AJ, it's Joey."

"Hi," his voice softened.

"I wanted to thank you for the other night. I had a great time," she said.

"Me too. Do you have plans today?"

"Yeah today my girl friends are coming over after lunch to finish unpacking my apartment. If you aren't busy, maybe you could come tomorrow and see what a great job they did. "

"I'd like that but I have another commitment. Maybe one evening next week?"

"Sure," she said. "I've gotta go. The buzzer's ringing. Likely the furniture delivery."

AJ said goodbye, but she'd already put down the phone. He wasn't raised to accept the idea of a woman phoning, but he liked it. He felt like he knew where he stood with Joey.


	4. Secrets

AJ's commitment was lunch at Tom and Rosa's. He woke at his usual time Sunday, between 5:30 and 6 a.m., rolled on to his stomach and slept for 30 more minutes. He ran 5 miles with Dammit as was his habit and afterwards, ate toast and drank coffee in front of the T.V. He channel surfed, looking for sports, but pausing on the news, and weather. Afterwards he showered and dressed. He slid into a pair of dark green trousers and a long sleeved knit shirt. He thought about phoning Joey. He wondered about inviting her along, but it was too soon to take her out amongst his hunting and fishing friends and their wives and girlfriends and he knew it. He filled Dammit's water bowl and put his breakfast plate, cup and knife in the sink. AJ pulled on a dark coloured windbreaker and slipped three chilly bottles of wine out of the fridge. 

Tom and Rosa, lived on 20 acres. They had a tiny house and barn full of horses. After their last child went to college, they moved into their retirement dream, although Tom would likely work 15 more years. Rosa wrote for a local paper and taught riding to small children to help with the enormous cost of feeding and caring for the long legged beauties in the barn. Their Sundays were usually filled with grandkids and chores, but every couple of months they opened their doors to old friends for a meal and some laughs. He drove up, parked and went in. He wasn't the last to arrive, Rosa greeted him with arms open wide. She kissed both his cheeks. "AJ I'm so glad you're here."

"Me too Rosa. Always glad to be invited." Tom came out of the kitchen as AJ stepped into the house. He reached for the wine bottles, taking two by their necks and putting the other under the same arm so he could shake AJ's hand.

"BBQ's hot, come give me a hand." He said in greeting.

Tom reached into the cooler near the gas grill on the deck and pulled out two frosty bottles of beer. He popped the lids with an opener and handed one to AJ. "Cheers," they said touching the rims together. AJ took a sip and scanned the yard. They had a small fenced yard. There was a large wooden tower in one corner with a sandbox at the bottom and a twisting yellow slide snaking down one side. This back yard was grandchildren central most weekends. It was quiet today. He heard the front door bell and Rosa's happy laughter.

"I should warn you AJ," Tom said as he lifted the lid and began to fork steaks into rows across the hot grill, "a cousin of Rosa's is coming today." AJ laughed and made a face.

"Any cousin of Rosa's is a friend of mine. Actually it seems every cousin of Rosa's is a friend of mine." Tom laughed and closed the lid. "Seriously Tom, tell Rosa I seem to be doing ok on my own."

"Come on, she'll never accept a man without a woman. It goes against everything. You don't know what you're up against if that's your only argument."

AJ shook his head. "What I meant was that I've managed on my own to meet someone."

Tom put down his bottle and spread his arms wide - gesturing with the fork. "What you're dating the invisible woman - where is this prize? You should have brought her."

"Well if she hangs around - maybe next time I will." Rosa came then with a couple, AJ didn't know, to be introduced. The afternoon passed as usual with laughter and food and more laughter. For the first time since Meredith Cavanagh had made a bomb crater of his life, AJ enjoyed it all.

Monday and Tuesday went past with their normal speed. Admiral Chedwiggen was completing fit reps and spent a lot of time both days with Colonel Mackenzie as they worked through personnel issues. They were taking a break; standing waiting for another pot of coffee to brew. "Sir, I wanted to apologize for Lieutenant Commander Cassidy's comments last week," she said.

"Who?" he said stalling, "Oh, yes, Cassidy."

"Yes sir, she is often more forthright than is best."

"I spoke with her at length about the matter, Colonel. She seemed to come to understand that it was ill advised and we left it at that."

Colonel Mackenzie nodded. "Did you have a nice time the other night?"

AJ was startled by her directness. If Joey was to be believed, Mackenzie was bluffing. She didn't have any facts, only office gossip He swung around on her, his face pinched. "It is not in your best interest to speculate about how I spend my off duty time Colonel. And I would encourage my chief of staff to make that clear to anyone else in this office. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes sir" she replied. He snatched up his empty mug, and stalked out of the room. But she was sure she heard him say something just under his breath as he was leaving. And it might have been yes I did. It was weeks later when her suspicions were confirmed.

It wasn't until Thursday evening that he and Joey finally connected. She offered dessert and coffee after an early movie. He turned down the movie, he still had 10 fit reps to review and sign, but he ditched it all at 2015, changed into a faded pair of jeans and a dark blue turtleneck and drove into Georgetown. Her building was a high-rise. She lived on the tenth floor. The apartment was small and the smell of new paint lingered. The entry, kitchen and living room areas merged. She had a good sized oak dining table and a round cornered sofa that faced the view outside her window. Her bedroom and bath were tucked into the other corner of the apartment behind doors that closed. The king-sized bed was wide and soft looking. The headboard was a huge rough hewn plank. AJ was drawn too it. He reached out and ran his hand along the rough grain. It felt solid and lasting under his hand.

"Where did you get this?"

"It came from my grandfather's barn originally. It was part of our kitchen table at home when I was growing up. When dad and mom went into care two years ago, Sam and Gary and I emptied the house. I took the table apart and hung it. AJ could hear sadness in her voice, but the look on her face said that there was joy in this memory too.

Once he had the tour, she ground beans and brewed espresso and served it in tiny cups. Dessert was warm from the oven, berries and cake with a thick layer of cream. They sat across from one another and she told him about Saturday. "Those girlfriends of mine worked like fiends to get me unpacked. It's not much space really, but there was drywall dust in the cupboards and closets, everything had to be wiped. And when they weren't cleaning or unpacking, they were needling me about my love life. First words through Mac's mouth were, how was the date"

"So what did you tell them."

"Not a damn thing. They would have needed sodium pentathol to get real results. No on second thought, I told them we had a great time. That I really liked you and I had every expectation that we'd see each other again."

"All true" AJ responded.

"Mac wasn't deterred. She thinks that I'm seeing somebody in the PR office."

"Oh I don't know she started to quiz me yesterday. I think she may have figured it out." He told her about the conversation in the coffee room.

"Well rank has it's privileges." Joey responded. "AJ can I ask you a question?"

"You've got to be kidding right?" He saw the troubled look in her eyes. "What?"

"Have you ever dated another officer?"

He shook his head. "Not many female personnel in the service when I joined up. And later, well I guess I just never met the right person to make the pitfalls worth while."

She nodded her head. "I didn't want to ask around. Questions always lead to speculation. Because we don't come into contact regularly it takes me back a bit when I remember that you're not just an Admiral but the Navy JAG."

"What about you?" He asked. "Have you dated anyone in the service?"

"You're my first" she said.

They cleared up the dishes together. She washed and he dried. Standing side by side at the sink, she nudged him with her hip. You're going to get dish pan hands hanging out with us Cassidy girls.

"I'm a Seal," his eyes alight with amusement, "I take risks all the time." His hands were wrapped in the tea towel wiping a tiny espresso cup and hers were still in the dishwater. She leaned in and kissed him lightly on the lips. He was more than ready for it, but he managed his reactions and let her lead. After dishes they sat quietly on the couch. He slipped an arm around her shoulder and she snuggled into his embrace. The lights of the city sparkled in the dark apartment.

"Mac offered to help me eat ice cream when my mystery man throws me over for a teenager or goes back to his wife."

"Very thoughtful of her, but hardly necessary under the circumstances"

"Really?" she said.

"Well I'm not married and haven't been for a very long time. Nor am I involved with anyone in anyway, present company excepted. And compared to me, you are a teenager." She turned in his arms and kissed him again. Still light and quick.

When she let up and settled back in his arms he said "You know it's more likely to happen the other way around. I'm an old man compared to you. This won't last."

"Why not?" she said.

"Because." He nearly dropped it here, but if they were really going to be honest then he'd better get at it. "Because at some point, you'll want to get married and have children and as much as I might want someone to spend the rest of my life with, I don't want any more children." She was quiet a long while and he felt ill. He'd screwed it up before it barely get started. Finally he pulled his arm from behind her and sat up. "I better go it's getting late." Her eyes were half closed and she inhaled noisily.

"AJ wait." He sat still looking at her. She sat up and faced him. "My father was diagnosed nearly ten years ago. It was devastating to see his rapid decline. Alzheimer's disease affects men and women. It runs in families. I might get it is the point. Anyway, when I saw the toll it took on him, on my family, on my mother." Her voice trembled a little. "AJ, I had surgery. I'll never have children. I don't want to put anyone else through what that disease has already put our family through." A single tear slid down her cheek. AJ wrapped his arms around her then and held her close without speaking.

Finally, he got up. "I'd better get going. If you're not busy we could spend Saturday together."

She smiled. "I've got a game, but after that I'm free as a bird." He nodded. They were facing one another beside the door. She looked at him expectantly and he kissed her as long as he dared and stepped through the door.

On the way to Luke and Sam's for dinner one evening a few weeks later; they stopped at JAG Ops so AJ could pick up a file he needed for an early morning meeting with the Sec. Nav. She wanted to sit in the car, but he said that was foolish. Of course one glance told him that Colonel Mackenzie was likely in the building. Her car was in the lot. He didn't say it to Joey, but they'd been dating for nearly 3 months. It was time to let the cat out of the bag. He had ulterior motives really. He'd been invited already to a couple of holiday parties and he didn't want to go without her on his arm. There would be other Navy personnel there, so they might as well have some advance warning. He knew she'd been keeping it quiet. He paused on the step and looked at her; unwilling at the last minute to put her into a situation she didn't want to get into.

"I know," she said with a nod, "that's Mac's car." He nodded and kissed her gently on the lips. "I'm ready AJ."

They talked quietly, but fell silent once AJ pushed through the doors into the bull pen. He had his keys in his hand and was heading for his office door, when Colonel Mackenzie came to her door.

"Good evening Admiral."

"Good evening Colonel." He got to the door. Joey was two yards behind him. Not meeting Mac's eyes. Just standing there. He unlocked the door, opened it and went in. Joey wanted to bolt into the office and slam the door , but instead she turned slowly and looked at Mac, who was still standing in her door way.

"Good evening Joe," she said evenly.

"Evening Mac."

"Are you looking for me by any chance."

Here was her out, she closed the distance. "No, I'm here with AJ, the uh Admiral I mean."

Mac nodded and covered her mouth with her hand snickering into it. She backed into her office and sat down behind the desk. Joey followed her through the door. "So this is a story I need to hear."

"Maybe not today, OK?" Joey replied.

Mac nodded. "Just tell me how long?"

Joey thought. "Remember when he called me into his office?"

"Yeah."

"That was the first time he asked me out."

"Are you kidding? That was months ago!" Mac said. The Admiral made a show of closing and locking his door. Joey grinned and raised her eyebrows.

"See you later."

Saturday afternoon, as usual, Joey arrived at AJ's. This week, she had a bag full of videos in one hand, along with her purse and a chicken in the other. She handed them off to AJ and shrugged out of her jacket. "I wasn't sure what you liked or what you'd seen so I brought a selection." She followed him into the kitchen. AJ set the bag of videos on the table and put the chicken bag and all into the fridge. Empty handed he turned, hugged her and kissed her.

"I've been looking forward to this."

"Really, I thought you'd be tired of me by now," she teased.

"Not likely," he kissed her again. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Yes, what have you got?" She stood behind him with her arms wrapped around him and her head resting on his shoulder as he swung the fridge door open and began to list the possibilities. AJ plugged in the kettle finally to make her a cup of green tea. He detested the stuff, but she drank it by the gallon and seemed no worse for the wear.

While the water heated, Joey strolled back into the living room and began to rummage through her bag. Finally the yellow plastic squeaky toy she'd brought for Dammit emerged only to shoot from her hand, ricochet off a table and land under the sofa. She knelt then and reached under, sweeping out the toy and a cool smooth metal object that fit into her palm. With both hands full she got to her feet awkwardly. AJ was watching her from the doorway. Opening her hand, the object, an engraved metal heart caught the light. A paperweight perhaps. It looked like treasure.

"I brought this for Dammit," she pinched the toy and tossed it to the dog. "And this was under the sofa." In two strides AJ was beside her. He snatched it out of her hand and stomped into the kitchen. He stepped on the foot pedal of the trash can and dropped the heart in. It made the metal can ring. The lid crashed back into place with a resounding thud and AJ stood over the can - his heart pounding. He hadn't seen that damn thing since the night he found Meredith and that man in bed together. He came home, stopping only to buy a bottle of bourbon. His only thought was to get drunk and stay drunk. Waking on the couch the next morning, the bottle was nearly empty and the heart had disappeared. He searched for it, but when he failed to find it, attributed the loss to some liquor induced disposal method that he'd blacked out.

"AJ," Joey was there interrupting the recurring nightmare of those days and weeks after Meredith. "Whatever it is? Tell me."

His face was black when he turned to her. She had seen him grim faced and determined but never consumed as he was now, never enraged. She swallowed hard and backed up until the seat of one of the kitchen chairs was against her knee. She sat. He paced quickly to the counter and poured boiling water into the pot. Flipping open the cupboard door; he bumped one mug with another, sending it tumbling off the shelf and into pieces on the counter and the floor. Leaving the mess he stumbled blindly into the living room. Concerned for the dog, Joey swept the floor and deposited the shards off the counter into the trash on top of the still visible heart. When she finished she stepped into the living room. AJ was sitting on the couch, his head in his hands. He looked up when he saw her .

"You'd better go."

"AJ" her voice was a whisper. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."

He shook his head and rubbed his hand across his head from eyebrows to the nape of his neck. "Nobody knows. It's impossible."

"Impossible to tell me? No way." She sat on the other end of the couch. She was careful to sit without touching him. His breathing was ragged and he didn't look at her. He thought if he could just ignore her long enough, then she would leave him. It was nearly half an hour before his breathing returned to normal and his heart wasn't pounding in his chest and booming in his ears. He turned to her then. She was still and quiet, her feet tucked under her and her hair hanging in ripples around her face.

"Let's just forget it." He said. "I'll get the videos and plug the kettle in again."

When he came back to the living room, Joey was standing by the door in her coat. He came right to her, startled that now she was doing what he'd wanted her to do in the first place and now he didn't want it at all.

"Where are you going?"

"AJ, I understand that sometimes there will be things you can't tell me, but I'm not prepared to accept that there are things you won't tell me."

There's a difference?"

"You know there is and I think this is one of those times. It's your secret, and you may keep it. But if I stay, it will fester between us and I'd rather remember that we had good times together and that I loved you." AJ decided then and there that he had to have his hearing checked. It wasn't possible that she was as happy with him as he was with her. They could have a future. Could he be so stupid as to let Meredith's betrayal hurt him twice? It was now or never.

"I was engaged to the woman who gave me that. Just before the wedding I found her in bed with another man."

"Oh AJ". Her voice filled with compassion, she slipped her arms around him and held him. It took a long time, but they sat side by side on the sofa and he told her everything. How Meredith had made him laugh, how they had shared their love of Shakespeare and the arts and how her betrayal hadn't been personal so much as an ongoing response to commitment. He knew he couldn't have predicted her unfaithfulness, but it hurt and humiliated him never the less. They spent what was left of the afternoon like that. AJ talked and Joey listened without much comment. The movies were forgotten and the tea got cold again.


	5. Holidays

It was at Bud and Harriet's Thanksgiving dinner that everything fell apart. As usual Harriet opened their doors wide and included as many people as would come. AJ always felt a little like a tiger in bear trap at these things. It was hard to let go of his command position and be surrounded by so many of his staff. It was hard to relax even for a few hours. The house was at full pitch by the time he arrived with Joey. He knew that the word had circulated quietly through the office. There was talk, but it all seemed relatively positive and Joey insisted she hadn't had any negative feedback. The Sec Nav had said something about a public person being careful not to be a fool. Later AJ wondered if these words were prescient or based on knowledge. Later it hardly mattered. 

Harriet greeted Joey with a genuine smile and took their coats. Joey squeezed AJ's hand and offered Harriet help in the kitchen. Harriet nodded and led her away, while Bud got him a drink. Sipping the beer, AJ noticed Rabb and Mackenzie near the fireplace talking to a couple he didn't know. The man looked a little like a prize fighter, He had a square jaw and broad shoulders. The woman was a little taller than the man and as the crowd separated, AJ saw that she was hugely pregnant. Commander Turner came into the living room and shook hands. After a moment's small talk, Sturgis raised his voice slightly. "Game starts in five minutes." AJ followed Sturgis and Bud into the other room. They settled into chairs arranged around the large screen TV. The pregame show was underway, but the sound was turned down.

A few others straggled in and found seats, in a moment Harm came in and settled into a folding chair near the door. Mac looked in then, turned and left. The man and woman who been talking to Harm and Mac ended up in folding chairs beside AJ. Harm was just behind them so he handled the introductions. "Admiral Chedwiggen, this is Mark Kerrith and his wife Joy. They're friends of Bud and Harriet's."

"Nice to meet you" was all AJ managed, before the volume on the TV was turned up and the coin toss started the game. At half time, the football fans got up and began to mingle. Some went to get a drink, others wandered the house or made for the head. AJ wondered how Joey was getting on. Harm followed him out.

AJ found her in the kitchen. She was standing facing Mark Kerrith. Harriet and Mac were there too, but on the sidelines, backs against the kitchen cupboards. Joey was clearly angry. Her voice was louder than usual, and her tone held as much threat as her words.

"You lying son of a bitch" she said. "You promised me that it was over." Joey's fists were tightly clenched, her arms stiff at her sides. "And she's pregnant. God she's big as a house. All the time you were in my bed. You knew you were going home to her." Joey raised her hands to shove him back.

Mark grabbed at her wrists and held them. Joey bristled and swore. "Joey shut up. This isn't the time or the place. Lower your voice. Joy will hear."

"Joy's not the only one that's going to know about you today Mark." She twisted her wrists out of his grip. Mac saw an opening and touched her arm.

"I'll take you home Lieutenant Commander."

Joey looked at her suddenly aware of the audience that surrounded her and realized that it wasn't a friendly offer. It was a command. "Yes ma-am." She picked up her bag off the counter and sidled by AJ and Harm and went out the front door.

Joy came into the kitchen through the other door. Her hand protectively on her round belly. "Take me home Mark."

Thanksgiving dinner was a quiet affair. Mac came back just as dessert was served. She skipped the turkey and dressing and had two pieces of pumpkin pie. Afterwards she and AJ sat by the fire in Harriet and Bud's living room. When the last guest left, Harriet excused herself and went upstairs. Harm and Bud were in the kitchen quietly talking. AJ was drinking. When it was clear that the crowd had narrowed to just the two of them, he said quietly. "Did you know?"

Mac shook her head slowly. She leaned forward slightly so she wouldn't have to raise her voice. "She told me months ago that it was over. She was ready to make a fresh start. I believed her."

AJ looked at the amber liquid in the tumbler and he tilted the glass slowly, raised it to his lips and drained it. "Well I guess I have a lot to be thankful for." Mac raised her eyebrows. He snorted quietly "At least there won't be any questions about what happened between us. The whole damn office will know by Monday." He stood up then. Harm came out of the kitchen with Bud trailing him. Harm had his leather jacket on and Mac and AJ's coats. He handed AJ his and helped Mac into her's.

"I'm driving your car Admiral. Mac can pick me up from your house." She gave a small nod. AJ didn't much like the situation, but an impaired driving charge on top of everything wasn't part of his plan. He reached into his pockets searching for the keys, as Rabb held them out by the ring. "I took the liberty sir."

"Let's go Rabb" was his only response. "Thank you Mr. Roberts, dinner was delicious." AJ shook the proffered hand. He wasn't inclined to apologize. Obviously if he'd known Joey Cassidy had a lover among the Robert's circle of friends, he never would have dated her let alone invited her to dinner.

It was just after 0800 Saturday morning 2 weeks later. It was peaceful in his neighbourhood this time of day, but the weather was cold and rainy. AJ didn't feel like running, but feeling had never had much to do with what he did or didn't do. He slowed his pace as he turned the corner for home. Dammit was used to the routine and slowed her pace slightly. She was a good running companion. Whoever had managed her puppy days had made sure that the leash wasn't a contest. She didn't pull or drag, just matched his pace .

There was a car in his drive way. It was parked behind his and the motor was running. He slowed his pace even further. As he drew up with the side of the car he could see her. The window was unrolled about 3 inches and there was the steady beat of music. Her seat was reclined and Joey Cassidy was leaning back in it, her eyes closed.

He tried to muster some feeling beyond anger, but it eluded him. He rapped sharply on the roof and was pleased with the startled way she jumped. She pushed a button and the window rolled down. With the other hand she turned off the music.

"Can we talk AJ?"

"Today is no different from any other day this week or last. I'm not interested in apologies or explanations Lieutenant Commander" She sighed and switched off the engine then put her hand out and pushed the door open.

"Please" she said. "Give me 10 minutes somewhere out of the rain."

"What I really think is necessary is a restraining order." The dog whined and shook her head so the tags on her collar jingled. AJ glanced down at her and then back to Joey. "You've got 5 minutes." She followed him through the wooden gate, along the path and into the kitchen. He snapped the dog's leash off after he towelled her down. Poured kibble into her massive bowl and then began to strip his windbreaker and rain soaked nylon pants and athletic shoes. His socks were damp, so he stripped those off and padded around the kitchen in bare feet. "You better start talking," he said "you're nearly out of time."

She sighed loudly and he took her meaning. She was frustrated with his lack of hospitality. Somehow she thought maybe if she could get past his door she could also get past his defences. What she didn't know was that he'd let his guard down happily for Meredith and more cautiously for her and when he became aware of her betrayal, he had refortified. Joey Cassidy wouldn't get back in. Nobody would for a very long time.

He leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. He had ears and couldn't help but hear her talk, but he wasn't believing any more bullshit.

"I'm sorry I embarrassed you in front of your staff. It was unintentional. I let my mouth get ahead of my brain. I'm sorry that I hurt you and I offended you. You're a very special man. More than I deserve as it turns out. I didn't come here expecting that you'd forget what I did or that you'd forgive my behaviour. I simply wanted you to know that I am very sorry and I understand that a resumption of our friendship is impossible. Thank you for listening." AJ was still standing just as he had when she began, but his shoulders were aching He dropped his hands. The anger bubbled up inside him and he clenched his fists. Just like Meredith was all that he could think. Just like Meredith. Her grief and pain was unmistakable, but it wasn't all that difficult to stand frozen as she turned and stepped out the door.

He kept telling himself all through the busy Christmas and New Year's party season that he was better off without her. That this breach between them was inevitable and better early in their relationship than later when their lives were more closely entwined. He saw her from a distance at the Pentagon a couple of times. He looked away as soon as he recognized her and focused on his destination. No matter what he thought or did, loneliness pervaded every aspect of his life, even things they had never shared were overshadowed by the loss of her.

Coates knocked on his door the first Tuesday after the New Year. 'Sir" she said, "a messenger dropped this off." She set the bulky brown envelope on his desk. He glanced at it, dismissed her and as she closed the door, ripped open the flap and dumped the contents on his desk.

"Dear Admiral Chedwiggen:

Enclosed please find 2 first class return tickets for flight 807 departing Sunday, January 17 from Washington Dulles Airport to Rome, Italy (Da Vinci Internationale). We trust the enclosed itinerary is self explanatory and the hotel reservations are as we discussed. If we can be of further service, please do not hesitate to call."

He bought the tickets the week before Thanksgiving. He'd been so sure of her then, that he'd risked the cost of the ticket - planning to give it to her for Christmas and take her with him to Italy. She'd meet Francesca and they'd see the sights together. At the time it seemed perfect. She'd requested leave trusting him with the arrangements. It brought it all back again, but now instead of anger, he began to have clarity of thought. What if she really hadn't been sleeping with Mark. What if she simply saw an opportunity to embarrass the man who had deceived her and his own wife. God what if he'd left her when she'd been truthful all along. Impulsively, he dialled the Colonel's extension directly. She entered his office moments later.

They sat in front of his desk in the arm chairs. "Colonel. I am thinking about calling Lieutenant Commander Cassidy." He cleared his throat. "I was wondering if you could tell me if she's seeing anyone." The surprise on Mac's face was hard to hide.

"Ah sir, I ah. I don't think she is. But the best way to find out is to ask her directly"

"Yes", He nodded. "Would you do that?"

"Sir?"

"Mac I know this puts you on the spot, but I need to know if." He paused not knowing how much he could leave unsaid.

"Certainly sir." There was an uncomfortable silence. "Would you like me to call now sir?"

"That would expedite the process, Colonel." He handed her the receiver on his desk then moved away as she dialled.

"Hey Joe, have you got a minute. Look I know this is out of the blue, but I need to ask you something. Are you seeing anyone right now? What about Mark? Ok Ok I'm sorry I asked. Anybody waiting in the wings? Oh well I understand." She finally said. "I'm not sure really. I have to go."

Colonel Mackenzie set down the phone and turned to the Admiral. He was standing behind his desk with his arms crossed looking out the window.

"Sir, Joey says she's not seeing anyone. She told me that if she never lays eyes on Mark again it will be too soon. And she asked how you are. I told her I wasn't sure."

Without turning, he said "Thank you Colonel. I appreciate your time. Put yourself on my schedule tomorrow. I have two weeks leave booked; you'll be Acting JAG in my absence."

"Yes sir."

"Dismissed." When the door closed, AJ let out a long breath.

AJ followed a pizza delivery guy past through the security door and into the lobby of Joey's building. They rode the elevator together, but AJ got off first. He stood for a moment in front of her door wondering what she would say when she found him standing there. He'd thought about bringing flowers, but it seemed over kill. Finally he rang the bell.

It was a moment before she answered. He wasn't sure if she looked at him through the peephole or not, but the door swung wide. She had one hand on it and the other was on her hip. Her hair was pulled away from her face in a pony tail. She had a tight fitting t-shirt on and pants that didn't rise high enough to meet it. Her feet were bare. The sight of her so close and so beautiful made his heart pound. He held out the ticket. "I came to deliver your Christmas present." She didn't say anything just gestured for him to come in. She took his cover and hung his overcoat carefully in the closet.

"I was just going to make a cup of tea." She said. "Would you like one?" He nodded.

"Yes please."

"Have a seat." AJ sat stiffly at the kitchen table. He set the ticket in the centre of the table.

"I had an odd call from Mac today." Joey filled the kettle with water.

"I know. I put her up to it."

"Right." She said reaching into the cupboard for two mugs and the sugar bowl. "Why?"

"Because I finally stopped being angry and decided to look at the evidence."

"Ha" she laughed turning to look at him, "You are a lawyer. So what evidence brought you here."

"There were a few things. Your conversation with Mac today. What you said to Mark at Thanksgiving. What you said to me when you apologized. And finally how you behaved every minute of the time we were together."

Wow" she said 'I got credit for good behaviour." Her expression went from light to solemn. "What did I say when I apologized that finally worked today, but didn't work 2 months ago?"

"Well" he said, "I realized that you never apologized for sleeping with Mark while we were together." An angry shadow went across her face, but she held her tongue while AJ continued.

"When I calmed down long enough to really think about it, I realized that you never tried to side step issues or duck the blame any other time. It's one of the things that makes you stand out. The only thing that makes sense with everything else I know is that you and Mark were finished before we started."

"That sounded like a statement, but I'm guessing it was really a question." AJ nodded. Joey leaned back on the counter and eyed him carefully. "We were involved for nearly a year. At the beginning, I was convinced that he was leaving his wife. I finally came to my senses in June. I gave him an ultimatum. Either he was separated from her by the end of the July or I was moving on. The last week in July, he told me it was finished with Joy. He told me he'd moved out. He convinced me AJ. I agreed to see him again. He basically moved in. It was only for 4 or 5 days." She hung her head. "I was rushing to get ready for work and barged into the bathroom while he was supposedly in the shower. He was on the phone. He was talking to his wife. I never saw him again or spoke to him again until Thanksgiving. If he called I hung up the phone, if he came to my door, I ignored the ring. Finally I moved, just so he'd have to really look to find me. It was enough and he got the message. But when I saw them at Thanksgiving, all the anger came back."

"I believe you," AJ said.

"If that had been clearer 2 months ago would you have walked away?" She poured hot water over the bags in the pot. He shrugged.

"I don't know if I would have believed it then. I needed time. Since Thanksgiving, I've been telling myself that you were just like Meredith. Turns out that's not true. You've been honest with me from the beginning. I was wrong not to listen. I'm sorry."

"Forgiven" she said.

"You made that easy" he said as she put the mugs, spoons and sugar bowl on the table.

"Well" she said "I have an ulterior motive. I want you back in my life AJ. I've missed you." She sat across the table and poured the tea..

He shook his head and smiled at her. "God you make everything so easy. I want you back too. I miss you." He reached for her hand across the table and they laced their fingers together.

"I don't know about that" she said. "If I would only keep my mouth shut I wouldn't have to spend so much time apologizing." He shrugged and grinned. She grinned back and hope washed over him. "I warned you" she said, suddenly serious, "I warned you that my honesty isn't always so positive. My friends pay a price, sometimes." He stood and stepped back from the table. He pulled her out of her chair and into his arms. Her hair smelled of lavender and she fit into his embrace as though she was made for it. He looked at her upturned face.

"I don't want to be your friend." Then he kissed her. They stood in one another's arms. Her face was pale and shadowed when he pulled back and looked at her. I forgive you he said, if you can forgive me too, then I'd like to try again. She nodded. It was a tiny gesture, but it was all he really needed.


End file.
